Dr. Mr. President Elect
Thank you for being brave and steady and for persevering in your goal to lead our country. You give us hope that we didn't know we were allowed to have anymore.
There are a million things the world will demand that you fix. And your choice of dog is pretty darn trivial compared to the mammoth decisions you'll soon be called to make. But, as keepers of some of the nicest dogs in this great country, we respectfully submit for your consideration:
Bob. Bob the Dog.
Not the bouncy puppy you imagined. Better.
Young Bob - short haired low-allergen Bob - is a symbol of the Real America that's been lost in this age of bad clichés (lipstick? please) and hurtful biases. He's sensitive and resilient and kind and he's an eternal optimist. And he's good as gold - the kind of dog that will adore your children and charm your distinguished guests and tender your heart as you morph into the untouchable president that you need to be.
No doubt you'd encounter mountains of outrage for selecting a dog that looks like Bob. But we have a feeling that you'd weather that just fine, and even turn Bob's story around to illustrate a new world's vision to everyone: Prejudice is obsolete. Good hearts rule and a true friend's loyalty is ultimately more important than a fluffy photo op.
If we could give you anything that would help you and your family with the trials ahead, it would be Bob. Truly. But whichever type of pet you end up with, we hope he brings you a sense of peace and calm and HOME as only a good dog can.
Our best to you, Mr. President.
Bob's devoted caretakers.